hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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