Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
