I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
false alarm, still single
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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