happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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