They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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