She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
