dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My balls are so social today.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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