Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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