he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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