My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
high people should be assigned attendants
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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