last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
