One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
