we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
