Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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