apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
vagina is talking i cant
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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