I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
