it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
