I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
