I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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