Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
