Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why is there bacon in the couch?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
