I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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