I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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