i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
