and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
