I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We had to coat check the pizza.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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