She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
