If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
