Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
