well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
FUCK WHALES
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
