I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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