I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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