can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
porn star boner night. come get it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
