Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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