im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
