I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
