Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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