just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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