dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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