your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
