I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
