My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
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