Don't make out with my wife yet
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
