I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
