sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
