dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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