Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
