The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
