I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
