I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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