I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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