There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
