mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I am morally bankrupt
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
