Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
