i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I party with great urgency now.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
