dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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