dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
