My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
