I am puke
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
