i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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