she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
