dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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