im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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